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Reports from the Rockefeller Library indicate that local student Jason Altman, who has a paper due at midnight, has decided to watch a YouTube video of bugs fighting.
“Holy shit, that wasp is totally getting its ass kicked by that big spider,” said Altman ’25 at 10:34pm, whose midterm was due at 11:59pm. “Oh my god, it just picked up the wasp like a WWE finisher.”
“Okay, I’ll start writing in a minute, but first I have to see this tarantula hawk take on a praying mantis,” added Altman, who had created half of an outline for his essay. “Damn, look at the stinger on that bad boy!”
“Seriously, last one,” said Altman, who was on track to fail his “History of Capitalism” class if he did not turn in his paper before midnight. “Wait, here’s one with a rhinoceros beetle.”
At press time, a bug with a paper due at midnight was watching UFC.
