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In a fun, hands-on approach to learning about organized terrorism, 1,200 high school students from all over the state congregated in, and then seized, the Providence Hilton for the annual 3-day Model Terrorism Conference last weekend, sources confirm.
“The Model Terrorism Conference provides young people with a unique opportunity to experience what it’s really like to subvert state authority and commit acts of directed structural violence,” said conference planner Jeff Higuchi as a group of fourteen-year-old honor students wearing name tags tied him to a chair with packaging tape.
“Be quiet!” said freshman Andrea Dolman, who proceeded to tape Higuchi’s mouth shut and slap him in the face with a loaded handgun.
The conference offers students a number of possible programs, from Recruitment to Surveillance to Explosives, in order to provide a comprehensive understanding of structured terrorism. This year, eight students collaborated on media relations and propaganda, using the program’s camera equipment and assault weapons to create threatening hostage videos and broadcast a list of demands.
“It’s so cool to see the kids get excited about extremist ideologies,” said parent chaperone Paulina Dihl. “They figured out that the best way to take over the Hilton was to consolidate their objectives and coalesce the various guerilla regimes. Then they locked me in this closet. They’re having a blast.”
Dihl added, “Plus, this is going to look great on their resumes!”
“We are going to kill another concierge every day,” said high school senior Talia Graham, who acted as the leader of the model terrorist organization and got to stay in the penthouse suite. “We’ll burn this hotel to the ground if we have to,” added the two-sport varsity athlete.
Sources also confirm that the high school students took a break from overtaking the Hilton on Saturday night to have a fun dance in the ballroom that even had a DJ.
