A team of cognitive scientists at Brown have announced findings indicating that you would be just as miserable without the pandemic. “According to our research, you’d be as unhappy as you are now if you were completing a normal, in-person semester,” said head researcher Sanford Kozlov, noting that you were lonely and debilitatingly anxious about your future long before the pandemic began. “It’s important to keep in mind that you felt like complete shit in the spring of 2019, too. There is no evidence to suggest that you would be leading a fulfilling, well-adjusted life in the absence of COVID-19. In fact, all signs point to the contrary.” Kozlov elaborated that being around some of your peers might actually make you feel worse than you do now.

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