Sources report that this Easter, area toddler Hayden Green is foolishly putting all of his eggs in one basket. “What a bonehead, stacking up his candy-filled plastic assets like that,” commented family friend Michael McBride, unable to understand how Green could be so utterly shortsighted as he watched the three-year-old participate in his family’s annual egg hunt. “This kid’s going to be terrible at investing. I mean, he’s completely setting himself up for failure by keeping all his valuables in one place.” At press time, Green was dropping marshmallow Peeps all over the backyard as his mom warned him that one bird in the hand was worth two in the bush.

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