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The big news circulating around campus this fall is the future of the relationship between Danny Zuko ’13 and Sandy Olsen ’13, which is reported to have begun this past summer as a series of trysts over many “summer nights.”
What started as a topic of discussion among friends has now spread across campus, as evidenced by the steady stream of students joining in the head-bopping and side-shuffling that characterizes the throngs of listeners trying to learn all the horny details.
“People keep arguing about whether they’re ‘going steady’ or not,” said Anthony Weiss ’13, who has had class with both students in question. “What does that even mean? I didn’t realize people still said stuff like that. They sound like my grandparents.”
Brown Noser reporters and friends of the couple made multiple inquiries into the nature of the relationship, but the efforts yielded no results. It is still uncertain how far the two progressed sexually and whether Zuko owns a car.
The reports coming from both sides of the relationship differed greatly. Whereas Olsen told friends that Zuko got friendly “holding her hand,” Zuko’s friends were informed that Olsen got friendly “down in the sand.” Zuko also reported that Olsen was good “if you know what I mean,” the meaning of which was not lost on his companions, who joined Zuko in choreographed pelvic thrusts to emphasize the obvious sexual innuendo.
Their recent reunion on campus created much tension between Olsen and Zuko. Olsen reportedly wants to change Zuko’s image from wild to straight-laced while Zuko seeks to do the opposite to Olsen.
Regardless of whether Olsen and Zuko’s torrid love affair pans out, it is likely to fade into obscurity after a month or two, just as the two of them faded to black after striking poses at the end of their interview.
