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The Brown Noser

Summer at Brown High Schooler 100% Getting Into Brown, Reports Summer at Brown High Schooler

Published Friday, September 15th, 2017

There is a 100% chance that Summer at Brown high schooler John Milford will get into Brown, reports John Milford. Milford, a 14 year old participant taking “Learn To Program in 5 Days”, assured fellow students during the 1 week course that his acceptance at the Ivy League school was “virtually guaranteed,” now that he had gotten into the elite summer camp.

“Now that we’ve made it over the first hurdle,” Milford explained to other campers at the ice cream social, “Getting into the undergraduate program is just a formality. In four years, I’ll inevitably be a Computer Science and Economics concentrator here at Brown.”

After the talent show, marking the program’s end, Milford lounged on the steps of Faunce with several high schoolers, who he had cultivated superficial friendships with over the past week. There, Milford reflected out loud, “Yeah, so I’ll probably put this summer experience 3rd or 4th on my common app. I may even write my essay about how enlightening and poignant this experience was for me. It’s all smooth sailing from here."

“With this plus AP calc, I’m so in.”

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