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The Brown Noser

Synchronized Swimmers All Tie For 1st Place

Published Friday, April 24th, 2020

Every synchronized swimmer at last week’s FINA World Aquatic Showcase in Moscow shared the gold medal, according to reports on the scene. It was decided that each of the swimmers were evenly proficient. Each individual received exactly the same scores in costumes, performance, and creativity.

The judge’s comments made clear that she was looking for the best individual on the team. She could not even discern the individual swimmers, let alone who was winning.

“Someone did a fancy sideways dive, so she has to be the winner for sure,” stated Judge Barbara Flores, squinting to differentiate the identical swimmers. “Oh wait, they all did the exact same thing one after another. We’re back to square one.”

“How am I supposed to judge which corner of their leg-star is best?” Flores continued, desperately looking for any unique facial features to distinguish the competitors. “It’s perfectly symmetrical!”

At press time, 16 competitors piled onto the top pedestal sharing one medal with a really long ribbon.

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