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The Brown Noser

Talented Linguist Knows How To Condescend In Seven Different Languages

Published Tuesday, October 6th, 2015

Sources confirm that talented linguist Jack Moore can proficiently condescend in seven different languages. Native speakers confirm that the polyglot is conversationally fluent, has a marvelous accent, and is able to eloquently communicate his arrogant personality.

“I’ve never met a more hard-working student whose haughtiness translates perfectly across so many dialects,” said professor of Romance languages Sally Giordano. “In every language we converse in, I am consistently impressed and offended.”

Fellow linguist David Craig said, “I’ve never met anyone who can be a prick in as many languages as Moore. I had a professor years ago who could be an asshole in five languages—he was quite good, but Moore is by far the most talented and pompous linguist I’ve ever encountered.”

Colleagues note that, when traveling internationally, Moore is able to competently brag about his superior linguistic talent while assimilating his self-importance into the local culture. Sources confirm that he frequently seeks out locals who speak different languages and proceeds to patronize them in their own vernacular.

Moore commented, “To gain my prowess, I’ve studied at every Ivy League university, traveled around the world to many more countries than you, and acquired a cultural taste that can’t be rivaled. Now, would you like me to repeat that in French, Swahili, Spanish, Italian, Hindi, Arabic, or Icelandic?"

Moore added, "I think I’ll go ahead and say it in all of them.”

At press time, Moore could be seen telling a Brazilian man how good his Portuguese is for an uneducated person.

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