Okay. I’ve seen a few deers in my day, and I have to say that this one is definitely not a chip off the old block. Definitely, this deer that I am viewing in front of me right now has several atypical features. To put my perturbation into context, some of the most notable characteristics of your typical deer are that it has four feet, no toes, and a pretty weak chest. So immediately, I’m like, okay, something’s off here. Because clearly this specimen has two big feet and huge, rippled pectorals. Like, this deer is unbelievably shredded. Here are some other things that are wrong with this deer: First of all, what’s going on with the tail? WAY too big. It’s freakishly long and thick, like a pool noodle made out of deer. Second, it apparently houses a horrible mini homunculus deer in a disgusting flesh pocket on its belly. This is INCREDIBLY un-deer-like and truly sets this specimen apart from its deer brothers. Note: The tiny homunculus deer is equally un-deer-like. Third, this deer is now approaching me at a concerning velocity and is winding up to grab my shoulders so it can kick all of my ribs out of my chest with its huge, misshapen feet. Yup, this deer is fucked up for sure.

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