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The Brown Noser

The Army Is At The Gates, Lord Swanth. Dondleboose Will Fall But We Can At Least Go Out Fighting.

Published Friday, November 3rd, 2017

We are doomed. But ever since you ascended to the throne by poisoning your older brother, I’ve had faith in your ability to rule and to fight – just like my father, my father’s father, and my father’s father’s father have all been obligated to, under threat of sedition charges. Now that the walls are crumbling, we have to show that our dedication to the kingdom transcends the gruesome deaths we will certainly suffer. We must take up arms, your grace.

Lord Swanth, the hordes have drawn far closer than the messengers had predicted. Our
ramparts on the plains of Monjoor proved comically useless against their war-beasts and they’re at the shining gates of our fair city. Though we’re pouring hot tar over the city walls, our reserves are running out and the horde has already slain half of our Oil Marshals. My lord, our beloved Dundleboose is doomed, but we must go out fighting.

My liege, the Great Clock Tower may be chiming its last noon bells, but your broadsword is readied. And your servants have broken the jewel-encrusted scepter out of the Royal Display Chamber. We still have time to slay a few of the vile, approaching hoard and show them why Dundleboose is the greatest kingdom ever built! And Lord Swanth the greatest king to ever rule!

Lord Swanth, now is the time for action! But Dundleboose is more than just a kingdom. It is our way of life. And we cannot let them take that from us without a fight. I’ve got your sword and I’ve saddled Balthazar. We must act quickly to save as much of Dundleboose as we can. Huzzah!

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