Partly Cloudy, 64°
As the first weeks of the school year pass by, the annual demarcations in dormitory social life have begun to form. Despite concentrated efforts at dorm unity (see: Unit Wars; the good-natured fun of the alcohol abuse and sexual assault orientation programs; the first dorm visit to the Ratty where everyone pretended to be vegan so as not to seem out of place when seated next to a table full of Production Workshop members) the third floor agrees that the rest of the dorm is far too cliquey.
"I have genuinely made an effort to reach out to the other floors," said Ashley Treanor '14. "I tried to be nice to the girl next to the first floor restroom when we were in the V-Dub together, but then she tried to make me talk with her and the hipster roommates in 212 about the irony of Scott Pilgrim bombing at the box office, and it was really obnoxious. People are so judgmental of anyone different from them."
Already certain floors of the dorm are gaining notoriety.
"Yeah, I've tried to hang with some of the firsties," said Sherrod Salisbury '14. "But I'm not even gonna try with the second floor. One of the girls in the room next to the second floor lounge came upstairs and tried to join our game of Apples to Apples when we were already two cards into it. It's awkward for everyone involved."
Residents of the third floor have identified the social grouping of the lower floors, which are constantly evolving. For example, Future Thete Pledge '14 is known to run in the same circles as Girl Who Vomited At FishCo '14 and Asshole With The Frisbee '14. Cute Gay Guy '14 and His Possibly Gay But Maybe Just Confused Roommate '14 have also been seen playing hacky sack and smoking clove cigarettes in faux-vintage clothing with the aforementioned Hipsters in 212 '14.
"Did you know that those girls in the corner of the first floor threw a party in the basement last night?" said Cassandra Willis '14. "They came upstairs to invite us, but it was a really passive-aggressive invite. They knew that we knew the type of people that they'd invite, and obviously we knew that they knew, so since they knew that we knew that they knew that we knew that they'd be inviting the lamest people to the party, obviously they knew none of us would show up."
The third floor dealt with the stressful situation by throwing their own party in the third floor kitchen. According to Willis, the doors to both stairwells were closed and inside jokes were involved. "You kind of had to be there to get it," he said.
It has been rumored that Steve Cranston '14 from room 321 has been sighted socializing with Frisbee Asshole and Vomit Girl (also known as Future Thete Pledge's Sloppy Seconds) but the third floor remains silent when asked about Cranston's social life.
"I don't have a roommate," said Yadier Gonzales '14, Cranston's roommate in 321. "What, does my room smell like PBR, falafel, and K2 weed? Didn't think so."
The third floor agrees that the Usually Drunk RC '13 and Unsettlingly White MPC '12 have made gestures to alleviate the situation, but all have failed. The complete lack of effort on the part of Constantly Having Sex With Her Boyfriend in the Second Floor Bathroom WPC '13 has also been ineffective at fostering dorm unity.
"It's just a really sad situation," said Salisbury. "I mean, I've made such a great, clearly defined group of friends - you know, people who are the only possible people whom I'd ever want to eat lunch with. Those kind of friends. But the cliques in the lower floors really have a negative effect on the people who don't really fit in. What about the girl who smells in 106, or the guy on the second floor who always tells us he doesn't want to be 'that guy' when he asks us to be quiet? When you've already got cliques, how are those people going to make friends?"
Added Willis, "It's just so sad that we've already got our immutable group of friends. Otherwise they could totally be friends with us."
