Taking pains to cleanly sew together the still-floundering bass and yellowtail, thrifty fisherman’s daughter Jane Wilson is currently fashioning a prom dress using the day’s catch, sources confirmed Monday. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford a regular dress, so I just decided to get creative and attach several pounds of fish together using my tailoring kit,” said Wilson as she held up the dress-shaped haberdashery of live aquatic animals to check her progress. “Most people spend thousands of dollars on their dress for prom, but I don’t really see the point. My dad has all of these great flukes and mudfish and speckled trout—who would I be if didn’t take advantage of the materials that I have right in front of me? Plus, I think the dress will look beautiful. It will smell like dead, rotting fish, though.” At press time, Wilson's date, a jockey’s son, had just arrived at her house to pick her up wearing the bloodied skin and coat of several of his father’s horses.

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