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The Brown Noser

Tips Offered in “How to Sleep Better” Article Clearly Tailored to Author’s Life

Published Friday, March 17th, 2017

Citing the oddly specific nature of the advice offered, readers of the recently published Buzzfeed article “How to Sleep Better” are noticing that the tips are clearly tailored to the author’s life, sources report.

“I got to the one about laying out the roach traps in case they come up through the floor again, and I just wasn’t sure how that could apply to me. I’m honestly more concerned about bedbugs in my apartment,” said reader Teri Mangiani, adding that the tip about making sure to feed your ferret didn’t even include what kind of food ferrets eat, let alone where one could obtain a ferret to help with falling asleep. “It’s sounding like the author doesn’t realize exterminators are effective and usually not too expensive.”

“I work sixty hours a week, so sleep is important to me, and I was looking forward to hearing how I could improve it," said Leslie Drake. "But the article suggested that I ‘reread that poem from middle school, the one about the lake house,’ I didn’t feel like my needs were met. I was homeschooled, so I probably didn’t have the same curriculum as the author. It’s a non-starter.”

“Okay, this point won’t work for me, either,” Drake continued, in reference to Wilson’s tip to apply Dr. Hammond’s prescription foot ointment just before bed to prevent nasty nighttime odors. “I don’t think my feet smell bad, and if they did, I don’t know any Dr. Hammond who could help me out.”

At press time, Wilson was reportedly penning a new guide for how to ask relatives to borrow money.

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