Sources report that area toddler Brandon Gilbert is blaming his wild behavior on his unhealed inner baby.

“I’ve long felt as though my younger self was wounded in a way that has caused me to lose my connection with my inner baby at this more advanced age,” explained Gilbert before climbing onto the coffee table, shoving cushions onto the floor, and swatting at his mom with a spoon. “I’ve found that experiencing life in such an unfettered manner is so helpful in healing those wounds and rebuilding those bridges.”

“I’ve really gotten to know my inner baby a lot better recently,” said Gilbert as he darted through the hallway, knocking over picture frames and pulling books off shelves before biting his dad’s hand when intercepted. “It’s truly essential for me to set aside time in my increasingly busy life and return to play, imagination, and creativity in ways that I wasn’t always able to as a baby.”

At press time, an area newborn was attributing his incessant crying to his anxious attachment style.

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