Tuesday, November 24, 2020
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The Brown Noser

Trump Proposes Replacing Corrupt Voting-By-Mail With Secure Voting-By-Facebook-Ad

Published Friday, October 30th, 2020

In a recent statement from the White House, President Trump proposed that all mail-in ballots be replaced with a more secure ballot embedded in a Facebook ad.

“Voter fraud is a serious problem, and mail-in ballots only make it worse,” said White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany, emphasizing that thousands of mail ballots — if not hundreds of thousands — are completely fake. “While Democrats want to count all of those votes, President Trump has proposed a new system that actually works. From now on, Americans can choose to vote through a very secure Facebook ad.”

“Our country can rest assured that the results of the election will be fair thanks to the hard work of Mark Zuckerberg and the rest of the Facebook team,” continued McEnany, explaining that Facebook users will be a simple click of a button away from choosing President Donald Trump over notorious socialist ‘Sleepy’ Joe Biden. “While mailed ballots are easily forged, it’s impossible to pose as someone else on Facebook."

“The Facebook algorithm will show citizens the ad right after they have finished binge-watching Turning Point USA videos or spamming Hillary Clinton’s profile with the single word ‘Benghazi,’” McEnany added, neglecting to mention that Facebook users who have posted photos in a pink “pussy hat” or recently liked NPR’s page will not be receiving the ballot ad. “This is the only way we can ensure a safe election free from fraud.”

At press time, President Trump was avidly campaigning to extend voting rights to Russian Twitter bots.

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