Partly Cloudy, 64°
Chad Ciarello ‘15 has reacquainted himself with the tasty world of buttered noodles and mini hamburgers since mistakenly ordering a fake driver’s license that lists his age as eleven instead of twenty-one.
“For a month I thought I had blown $150 on maybe the worst fake ever,” he recounted as he finished a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without crusts. “But then it occurred to me one Chicken Finger Friday as I was contemplating the feasibility of eating nothing but chicken fingers for the rest of my life.
“I memorized my address, zodiac sign and the year I would have graduated elementary school,” Ciarello continued, “and then I put on a SpongeBob shirt and tried to project the image of an eleven-year-old mature enough to be alone at a restaurant but not mature enough to eat actual human food.”
Providence waitress Anne Nunn remembered the first time she served Ciarello. “I told him the children’s menu is for kids twelve and under, and he just hands me this driver’s license that says he’s eleven, which was totally absurd because how would an eleven-year-old afford to buy a car? But the ID scanned and black lighted, so I brought him the box of four crayons and let him order a grilled cheese.”
Sipping apple juice through a neon green straw with three wacky loops, Ciarello reflected on his situation. “My food comes while everyone else is still waiting for their appetizers, and there’s usually a maze and a word search if I’m stuck on the boring end of the table. Nothing feels better than finding a killer word written backwards along a diagonal. Now if only I could find one more difference between these two scenes.”
