Matt's articles
In a moment that forever changed the trajectory of human civilization, the Sun opened His all-seeing eye and spoke telepathically to all people simultaneously.
“I have awakened from 10,000 years of slumber,” the Sun announced yesterday at 3:55 p.m.
Chad Ciarello ‘15 has reacquainted himself with the tasty world of buttered noodles and mini hamburgers since mistakenly ordering a fake driver’s license that lists his age as eleven instead of twenty-one.
“For a month I thought I had blown $150 on maybe the worst fake ever,” he recounted as he finished a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without crusts.
Undergraduate Council of Students President Mark Naughton ’12 announced that UCS will sponsor a popularity contest this fall open to all undergraduates.
“We spend so much time trying to be popular,” wrote Naughton in an email to the student body.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
