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After weeks of fumbling by European countries to properly handle the stream of Syrian refugees crossing their borders, the United Nations finally came to a solution on Thursday by granting the victims of Syrian civil strife the settlement rights to a wide swath of land stretching from Jerusalem to the Mediterranean Sea.
“Europe is not equipped to handle this massive influx of war refugees," announced U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon before the General Assembly. “The dangers are too high, and the cultures are too different to expect countries like Germany to take these people into their fold. Why not give them a little land in the Middle East to settle and perhaps start their own country?”
Many world leaders praised the novelty and simplicity of the plan, with United States President Barack Obama specifically complimenting the “outside-the-box thinking” employed by the U.N.
Policy analysts seem to agree. “No time in history has this ever been tried before,” said William Frey, senior fellow at the Brookings Institute. “European countries are for the first time using the U.N. to reject a religious minority and push them to form a country of their own somewhere else. It’s bold, but I have no doubt that the refugees will settle peacefully into their new home."
Under the new plan, the U.N. would ferry thousands of homeless Syrians currently occupying camps in Turkey, Greece, and elsewhere to the sparsely populated port of Tel Aviv, Israel. From there the refugees would be free to begin building homes and plowing farmland on the nearly empty land surrounding the port.
“They even get the holy city of Jerusalem," added Moon. “Not only is it completely empty, but it’s the third most holy city for Islam. Sometimes these things just work out.”
The plan specifies that if the refugees ever feel cramped in their new country, they should feel free to build settlements on the Golan Heights, West Bank, and Gaza Strip.
