Saturday, December 3, 2022
Partly Cloudy icon Partly Cloudy, 64°

The Brown Noser

US News Ranks Brown First For Concealing Your Prep School Background

Published Monday, October 31st, 2022

Releasing their 2022 college rankings, US News & World Report has ranked Brown as the best college environment for concealing the fact that you went to prep school.
“Though we want to make sure NYU and Amherst aren’t forgotten in the hype, there truly is no place like Brown for camouflaging yourself as someone who had an educational experience that could even remotely be described as average,” said top US News university analyst Silvio Choi. “We found it to be as easy as getting a nose ring and buying some old baggy pants.”
The report specifically cited “the general proletarian mood of the campus de- spite its highest-average family income in the Ivy League.”
“This came as no surprise because Brown students have always been self-
definers,” said former Milton Academy student Chase Andova ‘25. “But I personally couldn’t believe how easy it was to just start saying ‘back in ‘high school’’ and then drop a false story about how gross my school lunch was. I got so much more clout.”
Meanwhile, the report also ranks RISD as the best college for concealing the fact you hit-and-ran someone back in Portland.

Article tools

Search The Brown Noser

  • Loading…