Sunday, May 19, 2024
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The Brown Noser

Uh Oh! Your Middle School Bully Was Honestly Right About A Lot Of That Weird Shit You Were Up To

Published Friday, May 3rd, 2024

In a harrowing scene out of your hometown this past week, it turns out that your middle school bully was actually spot on about the weird shit you were doing back then.

“Oh, Sarah? I remember her, she was the one who would literally put frogs in the desk,” commented Chelsea Delaney, your nemesis from 5th to 7th grade, as she checked her nails idly. “It was so nasty. And then she would like, do a frog voice? Like as if they were speaking from within the desk. Nobody ever laughed, but she kept doing it like it was a classic bit.”

“I think I told her to stop being weird a few times,” Delaney continued, recollecting one of the most traumatic experiences of your life. “I guess that was mean, but honestly, can you blame me? She kept trying to make sock puppets with other peoples’ socks, and then when they wouldn't let her, she'd be all like, ‘The sock queen is gonna take your teeth in the night!’ Isn't that so weird? Honestly, she freaked me out.”

At press time, your high school teacher was pretty wrong about your graduating class doing great things with their life.

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