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The Brown Noser

Underground To Accept Spoken Word About Your Mother as Currency

Published Monday, October 31st, 2022

Nodding their heads in appreciation and snapping when they hear something they like, sources report that student-run coffee shop The Underground is accepting spoken word about your mother as currency.
“Your oat latte is either $6.75 or a two-to-five minute performance detailing how your mother used to tenderly braid your hair, but stopped when you turned thirteen,” said barista Greer Buckles, preparing a microphone for the impromptu
poetry slam. “I’ll throw in a donut if you can work in a stanza or two on how she permanently damaged your body image.”
“I’m going to need you to evoke how fraught the mother-daughter relationship is,” added Buckles, dimming the lights to get the creative juices flowing. “Let’s start with: why did she love your older sister so much more than you?”
At press time, the Underground was piloting a contactless payment method for customers to purchase coffee by badly playing Phoebe Bridgers songs on acous- tic guitar.

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