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The Brown Noser

University Administration Takes Dusty, Wrinkled Russell Carey Out Of Storage In Anticipation For Impending Cold Weather

Published Friday, December 7th, 2018

In response to predictions of temperatures in the low thirties over the next few weeks, University administrators have decided to take their Executive Vice President of Planning and Policy, Russell Carey, out of storage.

“We couldn’t get by in the winter without him,” said President Christina Paxson, brushing the dust off Russell that had accumulated over the past few months in storage. “We put him in storage during the summer so he doesn’t take up any office space in University Hall when he’s not needed.”

“Having Russell around is a necessity during weather like this,” Paxson continued, patting out some of the creases that had formed in Carey when he had been folded up in storage. “He’s so useful when we need to notify everyone about snow days and respond to emails from students who ask for snow days. But we need him a lot less in warmer weather so we just pack him up for eight or nine months.”

At press time, the University started vacuum-packing its construction workers in stackable containers so they could be stored through the winter months until construction resumes in the spring.

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