Earlier this week, Brown University officials expressed frustration over the impossible-to-foresee flooding of buildings across campus that flood every time it rains.
“There is just absolutely no way to predict the way that rain flows from high areas to low areas, and prepare for that fact,” stated a genuinely baffled unnamed University official. “It just makes me feel so helpless that students’ belongings are being destroyed thanks to the randomness of nature and the laws of physics.”
“Fluid dynamics and weather patterns are both incredibly complicated subjects, and even with the resources available here at Brown, no one could possibly model how and where rain will go,” continued the University official, dramatically draw- ing a question mark on a topological map of the University. “Everytime you think you have a theory on which areas of campus will flood the next time it rains, the weather surprises you by flooding the exact same basements that always get flooded.”
The University plans to go ahead with its initiative to install shag carpeting in every basement on campus.

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