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In response to an overwhelming number of undergraduate applications, the University made it known that they are seeking students who are passionate about academics, but are not, like, nerds.
“We encourage our applicants to be enthusiastic about academics and the intellectual opportunities that Brown affords,” said Dean of Admissions Herbert Phillips. “But not, like, in a weird way.”
The University makes active efforts to weed out students from the application pool who will be prone to nerdy behavior on campus, such as shrieking in excitement when their favorite historical event is mentioned in history class, or squealing inappropriately when they learn a new concept in Calculus.
“One area where we really keep an eye out for nerdiness is on the application essay,” Phillips said. “Oftentimes the nerdy ones just can’t contain themselves and gush over with excitement about the things that make them happy.”
“And the things that make them happy are weird,” Phillips added. “I mean, we’re talking nerds here. They like history, literature…math.”
High school seniors applying to college are often advised against common college essay tropes, such as “my summer trip to Paris” or discussing a life-changing community service experience in Africa. More significantly, however, students should make sure they do not come off as nerds.
“One applicant wrote an essay about his passion for math. This applicant in particular said that his Multivariable Calculus class was the highlight of his day,” Phillips said. “I was like, ‘Whoa, man, you need a more interesting life.’”
“Reject,” Phillips added.
The admissions office also routinely receives essays from aspiring English majors, particularly of the female variety, gushing over Mr. Darcy in “Pride and Prejudice” and Heathcliff in “Wuthering Heights.”
“This is slightly more understandable,” Phillips said. “We can chalk that up to hormones. Still, the amount that they love this boring literature is just gross.”
“Ew,” added Phillips’s colleague James Troutman. “Ew.”
The admissions office advises applicants to make it clear on their application that they are not a nerd. If applicants fear they may be perceived as a nerd, they can ask their teachers to make a note in their recommendation specifying that they are not a nerd, or simply express extreme dispassion and apathy in their application essay. Applicants should also avoid wearing glasses in their application photos and smiling too much when they visit campus.
