According to Lauren Rollins ‘16, the entire population of the world has been relentlessly harassing her about her weekend plans. “Everyone has been texting me asking if I want to go to the movies,” she said. "Everyone is so persistent. But I’m like, I just want to sleep!" The entirety of the world’s population was additionally disappointed to hear that Rollins wasn’t up to see the new Ryan Gosling movie, because she’d had such a busy week balancing her five classes with her business internship, part-time job and elementary school math tutoring.
As of 9:42 p.m. on Tuesday, the meaning of Alyssa Bauer’s frequent use of “LOL” on Google Chat was unknown. After Liz Jennings ‘15, Graduate Center resident, chatted Bauer “hey,” Bauer inexplicably chatted back "hey what’s up LOL." It is uncertain why the everyday greeting of “hey what’s up” caused Bauer to physically convulse with laughter.
In response to an overwhelming number of undergraduate applications, the University made it known that they are seeking students who are passionate about academics, but are not, like, nerds.
“We encourage our applicants to be enthusiastic about academics and the intellectual opportunities that Brown affords,” said Dean of Admissions Herbert Phillips.
On their weekly Thursday night dinner, friends and suitemates Rachel Willis ’13 and Allison McPherson ’13 once more wondered at how time passes so quickly. Although time elapses at a constant rate, its perceived speed was a source of astonishment for these dinner companions.
According to David Melnik ’14, inhabitant of Room 310 in New Dorm A, there were originally a lot of other people at this party, but then Carlos Sanchez ’14 had to use the bathroom, and Christina Tollman ’15 remembered that her cat needed to be fed, and then Peter, Rachel, Jimmy and a whole bunch of other people were suddenly recruited for a top-secret FBI mission and had to leave.
For the third time, the members of the section of ECON0100 meeting on Tuesdays and Thursdays at noon found themselves sidetracked by a familiar debate: the availability of monkeys for sale in the ancient world.
Although the class usually sat in a stupor throughout TA Tamara Knowles GS’ explanation of the solutions to last week’s problem set, Claire Watkins ’15 stunned the TA with a sudden display of intellectual curiosity when she raised her hand and inquired about how a person in the ancient world, perhaps in Babylon or ancient Rome, might obtain a monkey.
Guys, I’m really worried. There’s this Swedish class I want to take in the fall, but there are only 999 spots. What if there’s no more room by the time I register?
I’m a rising junior, but there are still 999 seniors who could possibly take this class.
After studying Latin since 9th grade, Classics concentrator Brian Patrick ’13 finally had the opportunity to apply his language skills in a real world setting when he studied abroad in Rome, 44 BCE. Patrick was surrounded by not only fellow Classics majors but also by students from a variety of disciplines, including Public Policy and Economics, who had only taken Latin because they heard it was so practical.
The bottom dropped out of Elliot Thomas’s ’13 stomach when he walked into PHIL1210: “Material Wealth and the Impoverished Soul” and realized the hobo he had regularly avoided on Thayer Street for the past two years was Professor Emeritus of Philosophy Anthony Lawrence.
Hey! Where are you coming from? The Rock? Me too! Don't you just love sitting in the library stacks, poring over every ancient volume, savoring the musty smell of the pages? Oh, you were studying for a killer history test? Well, the library's good for that too, I suppose.
Professor of History Malcolm Benjamin, the world's leading scholar of military warfare in World War I, was purportedly frustrated when Elsie Hansen '13, a student in HIST1420: "The Great War," compared the four-year struggle between the Allies and the Central Powers to the Monday night television show "Gossip Girl."
During a lecture last Wednesday about the system of alliances that led to World War I, Hansen equated the second deadliest war in Western history to a TV show noted for its highly fashionable characters.
A new study led by Professor of Psychology Carol Whitford has determined that dogs are better than cats. And if you disagree, it's not like anyone's forcing you to read this, so you can just stop reading now. According to the abstract, the study began with Professor Whitford's divorce from Associate Professor of Neuroscience Ian Jameson, who immediately claimed custody of the couple's prized feline, Snowball, leaving Whitford with their furniture-devouring dog, Buster.
When Caroline Abrams '13 enrolled in HIST1310, "The Protestant Reformation," she expected to slough through a vast amount of reading, churn out some late-night essays, and get hooked on at least five new TV shows in the course of her procrastination.
When Alicia Franklin '14 bid farewell to Owen Wilkins '14 last Thursday night, he was not deceived by her cheerful promise of "See you later!"
Errol Henry, Professor of English Literature at Oxford University, believes that he has finally unlocked the hidden subtext of Brian Russell's '13 final paper for ENGL0410: "Fantasy Books That Were Written Before 1900 And Are Therefore Classics."
Ever since the first day of Organic Chemistry (CHEM 35), Tim Spencer '13 has avoided Dirk Morton '13 like the plague.
"I sat down beside him on the first day," Spencer explained. "Because he was wearing a Slytherin scarf from the Harry Potter movies. I thought that was cool.
"I didn't think it counted," insisted Winston McKinney '13 of his experience frolicking on the Minnesota snow outside his grandparents' house during Christmas 1996. "I mean, I was only five-"
"You were only five?" spat Dwayne Jenkins '13, voice thick with tears, hunched miserably on the sofa in the therapist's office beside his roommate.
Starting Tuesday, November 3, students in various states of intoxication logged onto their laptops at 8 a.m. to register for spring semester classes that would expand their academic horizons in ways they might not have even considered without the influence of alcohol.
Last Saturday night, an appalling number of Brown University students flocked downtown to gape at some ordinary bonfires sitting on an ordinary river when they could have been partying it up in New Pembroke #4, Room 419, like any cool person would have.
The New Pembroke party was not just your regular excuse to drink, dance, and vomit, but rather a celebration of this reporter's birthday.