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The Brown Noser

University Welcomes International Students With Inaccessible Reference to American History

Published Friday, September 16th, 2016

Sources report that during a speech given to kick off International Orientation, Dean of the College Maud Mandel welcomed international students using an inaccessible reference to explorers of the American West.

“Think of me as John C. Fremont and yourselves as Kit Carson,” said Mandel, pausing to let the powerful comparison sink in. “I am commissioning you to chart a course, explore all the resources this world has to offer, and share your newfound knowledge with your peers. It’s time to begin your journey of discovery.”

According to Mandel, the goal of International Orientation is to make students feel comfortable in the new environment. Sources report that Mandel’s inaccessible speech really set an accurate tone for the lengths the University would go to to make students feel welcome and at home over the next year.

At the end of her speech, Mandel left the stage confident that her words were going to positively shape countless college experiences.

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