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The Brown Noser

Unwashed Water Bottle Excited for Winter Break

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019

After three solid months of continuous use, sophomore Drew Kris’s unwashed water bottle is particularly excited for winter break.

“This will represent my first wash ever,” explained the bottle. “I was acquired at some random event, and Kris just jumped right in. Things started getting a little funky back in October when he didn’t have any plastic cups and threw some blue Powerade and vodka in me.”

Although Kris has repeatedly figured it’s probably okay to go another week without a wash, the water bottle has always dreamed of the day it will finally be thrown in the dishwasher.

“Finals are just so stressful,” the CamelBak stated after a weekend forgotten at the SciLi trash cans next to a discarded Bajas quesadilla with leftover sour cream. “So I’m excited to go home and have some me time!”

At press time, the bottle was not dishwasher safe.

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