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Aware that his given name lacks the punch to make him a white-collar star, young pencil-pusher Lance Masterson has recently begun considering possible office names.
“I need something that’ll really pop off the plastic cover of a quarterly report,” Masterson said. "’Masterson’ is the last name of a custodial worker or a low-level accountant. Not a high-powered executive.”
Citing an unwillingness to be pigeonholed as a low man on the totem pole, Masterson has spent the last several weeks mulling over alternate nomenclature. Don Rickle, Barry Engleton, and Robert Bobley have all been dismissed.
Masterson’s mother, Anne, was upset by her son’s desire to break with his family history. “Is he ashamed of his heritage? We Mastersons have a proud history of being movie stars and models,” she said.
Despite his mother’s misgivings, Masterson has remained steadfast. “It’s a little-known fact that many of the great CEOs and CFOs we know and love use office names,” said Masterson. “Steve Jobs was born Dex Slater. And Warren Buffett never would’ve gotten where he is if he hadn’t changed his name from Brad Skye.”
Masterson’s officemates have been nonplussed by his efforts. “That kid in the copy room?” asked business professional Hal Lamberty. “What’s his name? He’s introduced himself as seven different people in the last week.”
