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The Brown Noser

Upholsterer Psychiatrist Keeps Asking Patients How Couch Feels

Published Friday, April 19th, 2019

According to her exasperated patients, professional psychiatrist and amateur upholsterer Dr. Sara Cosgrove, M.D. only asks patients how her office couch feels.

“What’s important is that you’re comfortable relaxing in this environment,” Cosgrove told one patient, “Which is why I went with this rich multitone medium-sheen leather.

“How does that make you feel?” Cosgrove asked, quickly specifying that she was talking about the leather.

“We as humans often have to probe the surface to reach what lies beneath,” Martinez continued. “So just jab your finger into the padding and let me know how you experience the horsehair stuffing.”

One of Cosgrove’s patients, Camila McCarthy, complained that, no matter how many times she tried to delve into her own personal life, Cosgrove brought the conversation back to the couch.

“When I asked her why my husband was so needy," explained McCarthy, "She responded that it was important for me to ask myself whether I felt supported, like I did on this divan.”

At press time, Cosgrove was examining the co-dependent relationships patients had with her hand-crafted wicker chair.

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