Partly Cloudy, 64°
A recent study found that the Urban Outfitters on Thayer is exclusively sustained by last-minute birthday gift purchases for girl you don’t know what to get.
“The Urban on Thayer is literally such a lifesaver!” blurted sophomore Abigail Collins, on her way to pick out yet another color variation of the modern love corset top for her friend’s birthday party that evening. “Emery is taking us all out to CAV to celebrate and I obviously cannot show up empty-handed. I had no clue what she would like but figured I can’t go wrong with a cute crop top, a claw clip or two, and a Lana Del Rey vinyl.”
“It has truly always mesmerized me how stable the store’s clientele is,” continued Collins, meticulously browsing through a new display of crochet halter tops, lace tank tops, and flyaway camis. “Every time I’m here, the store is flooded with all these girls, and occasionally clueless boyfriends, who are clearly looking for birthday gifts at the eleventh hour. Truthfully, if it weren’t for all the birthdays of girls that nobody knows what to get, I bet the store would be long gone.”
At press time, a recent study announced that the Ben & Jerry’s on Thayer is exclusively sustained by breakups and organic chemistry exams.
