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The Brown Noser

Vigilant Man Always Sleeps With Rocket-Propelled Grenade Under Pillow

Published Friday, April 24th, 2015

Stressing the importance of home protection, vigilant man Dan Strawson told reporters that he always keeps a loaded rocket-propelled grenade launcher underneath his pillow. “I’ve heard about burglaries, attempted break-ins, all sorts of things happening in this very neighborhood, and I want to be able to protect my family if something were to happen,” Strawson said, adding that it’s just safer to have a shoulder-fired, anti-tank weapon on-hand should one ever need to use force against an intruder during the night. “I have children, a wife, a dog, and I don’t want to risk their lives by not having an accessible weapon loaded with high explosive warheads to use against criminals. I’m not paranoid, just prepared.” At press time, Strawson could be seen jumping out of bed and placing his RPG on his shoulder after having a bad dream.

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