Partly Cloudy, 64°
According to various sources at WaterFire last Saturday evening, freezing and thirsty man Lou Egan was extremely disappointed that the esteemed downtown Providence event offered no water for him to drink and no fire to warm him up.
“I just don’t understand,” said Egan, shivering violently and licking his dry lips with his dry tongue. “There is water and there is fire, but both are completely inaccessible. This was a huge letdown.”
“I can hardly hear the opera music over the sound of my own teeth chattering," said Egan while staring at the bonfires in the middle of the canal. "I want to cry, but I am severely dehydrated. What did I do to deserve this? I can not stress enough how upset I am right now.”
At press time, Egan was on his way to the restaurant Fire & Ice to see if they had any fire and ice.
