Partly Cloudy, 64°
So here’s the deal:
We decided to have ourselves a little vote. The results just came in, and the decision is unanimous. We all voted and now you have to eat this.
We realize that you may not want to eat this, but that matters little because we voted, so you don’t really have a choice. You must eat this.
Look, majority rules. And when majority rules, you basically have no choice but to do what it says. Even if that means eating this. Which, in this case, it definitely does. Now, come on. Eat this.
No, not that. You can’t eat that. We voted on that too, and now Tim has to eat that. Tim’s going to follow the decision of the group and eat that, right after you eat this. Once again, that, right there? That’s not for you. This? This is for you. This is all yours. So now take this and eat this. Come on. Do it.
We realize this isn’t the most pleasant thing to eat. If it were, we wouldn’t have to take a vote in order to establish the authority to force you to eat it. You would probably just be okay with eating it if we asked you nicely to please eat it. But that’s clearly not what we’re dealing with here. This is gross. This is terrible. This is almost certainly disease-ridden, decomposing and quite possibly racist. And now you must eat this.
All right, your lips aren’t making the motion of a person about to eat, so clearly something’s wrong. Perhaps you’re having some suspicions about the integrity of the voting process. Well, I can assure you that suffrage was both universal and of each voter’s own volition. Fairness was our first priority. Everyone agreed. You have to eat this.
I’m not going to lie, we almost decided maybe this was stupid and maybe our vote was premature and maybe we shouldn’t have you eat this after all. Several of us suggested the possibility of taking advantage of the rarely used power of recall to instigate a new election to determine whether or not you should eat this. In all honesty this did, in fact, come up. But the vote against recall was devastating. It just wasn’t in the cards.
So now, in the spirit of democracy and justice, the fair thing for you to do is to just go ahead and eat this. Of course, you may take your time. We will wait.
