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The Brown Noser

Weird How Much Little Kids Throw Up, Surgeon General Reports

Published Friday, September 16th, 2016

At a press conference last Wednesday, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy announced that it’s weird how often little kids throw up. This conclusion follows a nationwide observational study conducted by the Department of Health.

“It’s particularly odd that nearly any activity can make little kids throw up,” said Dr. Murthy. “For example, we saw children throw up after minimal exercise, a temper tantrum, and even a bland meal. It was objectively strange how little it took for children to become extremely nauseous.”

Dr. Murthy stressed to parents that, although always needing to have Seaband Nausea on hand may freak you out, it is necessary because children just will not stop throwing up.

“I’ve always thought it was wild how often my kids throw up, so it was reassuring that these cold, hard facts confirmed my suspicions,” said Cheryl Baldwin, voicing the relief many of the nation’s parents felt after Dr. Murthy’s report. “My son threw up twice during the 15-minute car ride to kindergarten yesterday and, as I pulled over to the side of the road, it was comforting to know other little kids vomit bizarrely often.”

At press time, Dr. Murthy clarified that even though it’s pretty freaky how often children throw up compared to adults, it’s nothing to worry about.

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