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It is highly probable that local weird girl Callie McDermott’s favorite food is olives, according to the teachers and counselors at Greenwood Elementary.
“For our What Did We Do Over The Summer presentation, Callie brought in a full-scale lego model of the human gastrointestinal system. Not from a set, or anything, just built from loose legos,” said McDermott’s third grade teacher, Mrs. Clarke, apprehensively watching McDermott insert her fingertips into individual olives, and then violently bite them off. “And then for all of quiet play time, she was stuffing olives into the lego digestive tract. So yes – I’d put my money on her favorite food being olives. Come to think of it, I noticed that she eats the same sandwich every day for lunch, and I asked her what it was. Know what she said? Cream cheese and olives. No other ingredients. Untoasted bread. I think we’re raising a future public disturbance. Maybe we should just send Callie into the woods; she’d be happier there.”
“She seems like she has some weird obsession with olives specifically,” said Greenwood gym teacher Dougie Lindell, hiding behind the monkey bars during his interview. “She spent two whole months building a nest out of cut grass and branches out behind the equipment shed. Now, she will sit in the nest for the entire recess period with no breaks. Every day. If you try to get near her, she’ll make scary growling sounds at you and bare her teeth like an aggravated chimpanzee. And you know what she’s hoarding over there? Her pockets are just fucking full of olives. She’s just sitting behind the shed munching away at some Kalamatas. Nobody can play four square now, because if I try to unlock the equipment shed for the ball, she’ll charge me and possibly bite me. I also caught her burying olives in the woodchips the other day, like a chipmunk. Someone needs to just give her an iPad.”
At press time, McDermott was systematically bursting individual Gushers with her thumb and forefinger while staring directly into reporters’ eyes.
