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Upon looking over recent updates to his model’s election prediction, statistician and blogger Nate Silver spit out his coffee and violently flung his laptop into the air.
“Well, I guess all bets are off!” his staff reported hearing immediately before witnessing the brand-new MacBook begin traveling in a parabolic trajectory.
Silver’s model has achieved acclaim for its ability to accurately predict the results of prior elections, but this year he feels that he might as well ask a fortune teller.
“Last week, Trump threatened to add an alligator-filled moat to his border wall if Mexico didn’t pay for it,” said Silver. “So obviously my model predicted a boost to Hillary’s polls. But somehow, Trump’s polling 15 points over Hillary as of this morning!”
“I just can’t figure out how people will respond to the things Trump says!” Silver added, sweeping a stack of paperwork onto the floor before wiping his sweaty brow.
Silver’s model has also had trouble predicting the results of Hillary Clinton’s statements. Last week, the Democratic nominee showed exaggerated, clearly feigned happiness upon being offered a bowl of chocolate pudding.
“My model assumed a drop in support for something so transparent, but, of course, she got more popular. I just don’t understand.”
“I’m just so tired,” added Silver with a sigh.
At press time, Silver was slamming the laptop’s screen repeatedly onto his desk and kicking shattered glass fragments across the room.
