Unable to fathom that, in other languages, letters are used in different ways, sophomore David Miller again – for the fiftieth time – is unable to say your name right.

“How can anyone expect me to pronounce difficult names like Maria, or Hung, or Jamar?” said Miller, shaking his head. “My mouth just can’t bend that way!”

“I just don’t understand why people of color can’t have normal, easy to pronounce, white-sounding names,” said impassioned white junior Analeigh McQuery-Lebinksi. “It’d make everyone’s life easier!”

At press time, Miller was found again grossly mispronouncing the name of a person of color, despite their numerous attempts to help him get it right.

“That’s so exotic!” he said, tilting his head and smiling.

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