Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources from Potawotamee Lake, Wisconsin, report that local boat driver, Dale Kerchee, is gonna sober up and switch to a light beer.
“I’mgoingggsoofastt,” slurred Kerchee, about to take it easy and start drinking something hydrating like a Miller Lite. “Thewavesarrrelittle—-burrrghghh——-little jumps that I’m plowing over.”
“Honnneyyyy, come hold my head, I need to hurl,” said Kerchee, leaning over from the steering wheel and puking his sobriety over the side of his speedboat. “I probably need something to clean out my mouth; hand me a Spotted Cow IPA.”
At press time, a Utah boat driver drove their boat into a cliff after one too many root beers.
