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The Brown Noser

With A Newer Dorm Almost Complete, New Dorm To Now Go By Ariadne

Published Friday, September 25th, 2020

With the new dorm being built on 450 Brook St. nearly complete, the dorm formerly known as New Dorm has decided to now go by Ariadne. The new dorm, located across from Pembroke Field, will also be home to an integrated health and wellness center, but the health and wellness of another building has come into question. When there’s a newer dorm on campus, what will become of New Dorm?

“Ariadne. I’d like to go by Ariadne,” the dorm located at Vartan Gregorian Quad proclaimed. “A name is existence. I have hope for this new life where I will no longer exist only through my temporal relationship to other dormitories."

“It puts a strain on the soul, having the word ‘new’ tethered to your identity. What people don’t realize is there comes a time when one starts to wonder — do I live up to that name? I fear I haven’t been ‘new’ for years now. I can only imagine how the New School feels. As Ariadne, I will be kind. I will be bountiful. Those who come to know me well may call me Ari. Or maybe Addy. I don’t know. We’ll workshop it.”

“Do I wish that this newest dorm will now be called New Dorm? Well, I’m not sure,” Ariadne gasped, playfully and unprompted. “On the one hand, how could I wish that? But on the other, how could I not? It’s an interesting ontological question."

“Still, it’s clear as day to me that I would never have become Ariadne had I not first been New Dorm for 30 years. So, while I wish New Dorm on nobody, in this era of freedom in which I now thrive, I can’t help but wish New Dorm on everybody so they can join me here in the light,” concluded Ariadne, mentally exhausted but intellectually stimulated.

“No, you won’t hear New Dorm come out of this mouth anytime soon,” declared Ariadne, not wishing to dwell on the past any longer. “In fact, I’m going to work on getting into an intense stretching routine to liberate my body as well as my mind. I’m also going to introduce myself to someone new everyday. Ariadne has a lot of catching up to do.”

At press time the dorm being built at 450 Brook St. was christened 450 Brook St. and New Dorm was still being called New Dorm.

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