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The Brown Noser

Woman Opening Pistachios Using Discarded Shells Like Chimp Learning To Use Tools

Published Friday, February 5th, 2021

Local woman Erica Sloane is using discarded pistachio shells to open more pistachios as if she were a chimp who just learned to use primitive tools.

“When I started, I thought, ‘Wow, that was so clever of me!’” said Sloane while prying open the nuts with old shells in the same way that a chimpanzee uses rocks to break apart hard fruits. “I almost went to the kitchen to grab a butter knife, but I figured out a better way using what I had around me!”

“I can’t imagine that just anybody would think to try what I did,” remarked Sloane, deriving the same pleasure from opening pistachios that a Gombe chimpanzee does after using a twig to dig termites out of the dirt. “When it happened, I was pretty proud of myself for figuring it out. I just randomly tried wedging an old shell into a slit that was too tight, and then, bam!”

At press time, Sloane was seen flailing large sticks to intimidate her rivals.

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