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The Brown Noser

Woman in Window of Tealuxe Waiting for Someone to Notice How Hot She Looks

Published Friday, April 20th, 2018

After sitting in the window of Tealuxe longingly for the last several hours, area woman Nicole Lamb confirmed reports that she’s been waiting for someone to notice how hot she looks.

“Tealuxe is the best place on Thayer to go if you’re looking for a low-key place to get some work done where everyone passing by the windows can see how hot you look,” said Lamb, adjusting her clear-frame glasses as she glanced out at the street to check if pedestrians had noticed her visible hotness.

“She hasn’t flipped a single page in her reading of Marx,” said barista Anthony Pyle, who recently refilled Lamb’s English Breakfast for the 17th time that day. "But seems to be going to great lengths to make sure that the cover is visible to anyone walking by.”

“One person has approached me, but that was to ask if I was using the outlet next to me, not to compliment me on my physical attractiveness,” said Lamb, who has sat in the exact same window for the last four days, thinking that the more time she spent there the more likely she would be to bring about her own Hollywood-style “meet-cute.”

As Tealuxe closed, sources say they saw Lamb headed to the Leung Gallery, where she hoped others might observe how hot she looked whilst “deep in meditative thought.”

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