Wow! I can barely see anything in here! I wish I had something to give me some light—that’s what I get for leaving my Nokia in my room. Stupid Avril! Stupid Avril! Oh god. One second. Sorry—there’s a worm down here who keeps sucking on my elbow. Okay, I flicked him off again. He does this every day. Well, maybe every day. I have trouble counting how many days it’s been. It’s just dark 24/7. I don’t even know how I got here. All I have are visions—most of them are hazy and fragmented. The last thing I remember was that I was walking down the street on my way home from a screening of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, and I saw this woman who at first I thought was just my reflection. I’m being serious. Like dude, she looked exactly like me—like, down to the tank top and cargo parts. And then I remember her getting eerily close—and that’s when I realized, “Oh god, that’s not my reflection, that’s a whole other person.” Suddenly everything went dark, and then the next memory I have is being hoisted inside this coffin. Crazy stuff. Everyone must be mourning me right now. That’s crazy to think about.

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