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According to reports, young aspiring paparazzo, Greg Jensen, lies awake dreaming he too will one day get socked in the jaw by a celebrity.
“I appreciate images from all my favorite artists,” said Jensen, gesturing to a series of posters on the wall depicting a variety of celebrities covering their faces and looking down. “Not the ones in the picture, no. I’m talking about the artists who are responsible for composing these beautiful encounters. A true paparazzo never seeks a perfect photo of their subject, no no no. They pursue what we call the ‘blur.’ We want motion, we want action, we want aggression.”
“A paparazzo’s dream is to capture the star mid swing,” said Jensen, gingerly presenting a collectible broken paparazzi camera from his idol. “This camera belonged to Ernst “The Mosquito” Blokt. He’s been punched by Sylvester Stallone, Justin Bieber, Drew Barrymore, and tons of others. He’s a millionaire, all from pressing charges. Someday I want to be a hero like him.”
At press time, Jensen was caught threatening to leak a video of his parents having sex so he could leverage a later curfew.
