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The Brown Noser

Your ASK.FM Still Out There, Reports Back Of Brain During Orgo Midterm

Published Friday, April 24th, 2020

Bypassing the hundred Chemistry terms you memorized in preparation for this midterm, the back of your brain reportedly checked in during your Organic Chemistry midterm to let you know that your ASK.FM is still out there.

Despite the hours you put into preparing for this test, it was no match for obscure and long-buried knowledge that what your hormone-riddled young mind once put on the internet will stay there forever.

“Remember how you posted ‘Maria Tuskus is hot’ all those years ago?” said the deepest recesses of your mind, ignoring your orgo exam to remind you that everyone who Googles you will find everything you posted when you were 12. “And all those posts where you rated girls and used the phrase ‘we should Kik sometime?’ Every last one of them is still out there, waiting to be found.”

“Maybe someone will read that you used to end your sentences in ‘XD,’” continued the distant and long-repressed section of your brain. “I don’t know the weight of this molecule, but I do know the weight of the shame you should feel for what you consentingly posted on public record. Bet you can’t explan this reaction now, huh?”

At press time, the back of your brain agreed to let you forget this until your next sexual encounter.

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