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Lawmakers were very satisfied with their progress on a resolution that will finally close a loophole that currently makes indoor prostitution legal in Rhode Island. The debate in the legislature had been long and rough, testing the stamina of the Ocean State's premier legislative body. Finally, despite awkward pleasantries and nervous anticipation, Senators were able to ride out the debate, taking and giving from all sides in a cornucopia of action.
Before drafting the measure, several Senators sought to experience first-hand the far-ranging effects prostitution currently had on the city.
"At that great moment, I became the hooker; I could just sink my teeth into the issue and really get to the meat of it," offered one legislator who spoke on the condition of anonymity.
Another legislator, Senator Richard Shatston III, had a similar experience.
"It required me to do things that I had never done before, that my wife had never wanted me to do, yet which became almost instinctive," he explained. Luckily for him, he pulled his support out of the bill just in time, before the legislature could bring it to a vote.
However, not all was rosy in the capital. Senator Andrew Maddily, whom colleagues describe as generally stiff and socially awkward, complained, "We had to do things that I just wasn't comfortable with, both physically as well as emotionally." Having little experience in such a setting, despite many years in his robust body, Maddily had trouble standing up to the mounting pressure.
"I would kill myself if it happened to me, but I'm sure it's perfectly normal," consoled a colleague and longtime friend, who also suggested that Maddily consult a doctor about whether prescription medication should be in his future.
The Senate's sole female legislator and one of the bill's sponsors, Victoria Stalworth, had no regrets about her experimentation authoring a piece of legislation for the first time.
"I'm young, you know, and I just wanted to see what would happen if I tried it," she explained. "Ohh yes, it met all of my deepest desires. Who even needs a man anymore?"
But in the end, most of the lawmakers gave the bill a standing ovation of sorts. Senator Levin called its adoption "a transcendental experience" and promised that Rhode Island's sans-prostitution future would be "clean, safe, and wholly fulfilling."
