Kyle's articles
Originally believed to be securely detained in the Dean of the College's office in University Hall at Brown University, the HamBergleron is now on the loose. One inside source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, told the Brown Noser that the HamBergleron may have escaped as early as last Thursday under the auspice of attending a lecture on the 19th-century revival of plainchant by French Benedictine monks.
In its bi-weekly meeting yesterday afternoon, the Brown University Community Council approved a new multi-disciplinary concentration to be offered by the Environmental Studies Department in conjunction with God. The seven-day concentration culminates in a BA in Ecological Design, handed down from Heaven by the Environmental Studies faculty.
Last Monday evening at approximately 8:30 p.m., the undoubtedly conservative Richard Shatston Harrison III '09, a native of Bridgeport, Connecticut, quickly ducked out of the Students for Giuliani meeting in search of a public water fountain. He was intent on refilling a Nalgene water bottle for his close companion, Phinneas Afronne McGregor '08, also a stout advocate of the status quo.
An ongoing investigation conducted by the Department of Public Safety has linked the latest campus blood drives to vampires.
It was revealed that a coven of the sleek, blood-sucking, glowingly pale creatures would slip into Sayles Hall in the wee hours of the morning, when the only students awake were too intoxicated to take notice of their presence, and set up their blood harvesting equipment.
Lawmakers were very satisfied with their progress on a resolution that will finally close a loophole that currently makes indoor prostitution legal in Rhode Island. The debate in the legislature had been long and rough, testing the stamina of the Ocean State's premier legislative body. Finally, despite awkward pleasantries and nervous anticipation, Senators were able to ride out the debate, taking and giving from all sides in a cornucopia of action.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
