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Tensions in the Brown athletic community are at an all time high due to the University's policy of giving leeway to its non-recruited students. All across the campus, athletes are growing frustrated with their less macho minded classmates.
"I feel like standards are droppin," grunted star football Tight End Dwayne 'Tight Ass' Rockefeller '10. "Nowadays, the average non-athlete can barely throw a Frisbee, let alone play a real sport. It's like Brown doesn't even care about athletic competence if you do well enough on the SATs." He then added, "It's like affirmative action for smart people".
This sentiment is shared among many others, including Cassidy Manwich '09, captain of the women's rugby team. "How could someone so physically inept end up at a place like this?" she rumbled. "They think that just because they have a totally ripped intellect and freakish mental endurance they deserve to be at a school of this caliber. It's embarrassing, frankly." Before jaunting off to her MCM class, she concluded, "If there's grass on the field, play ball". Perhaps useful advice, but the context for the remark seems unclear.
Of course, not everyone at Brown agrees with whatever she was talking about. Computer Science concentrator Wendell Prince '11 articulated "I don't see what all the hate is about. The university looks for different attributes in it's students so it can be better overall- Hey, what are you doing!" He continued as I stuffed him in a locker for being such a fuckin' nerd. Seriously, who uses the word "attributes"? Sounds like some D n' D nerd bullshit.
The university seems deaf to the controversy, eliciting additional frustration from the protein minded. "What are we doing entrusting our futures to these people?" wondered sprinter Barry Allen '10. "I mean, I'm pretty sure I could beat Ruth Simmons at the 100m dash, and she's the one RUNNING THE SCHOOL. I guess the whole system is slipping."
