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"Smokin' hot" freshman Adriana Snapp '14 is definitely going to break up with her high school boyfriend soon, according to Michael Dimor '14.
Snapp, a softball player and likely biochemistry concentrator from Tulsa, Oklahoma, has been dating Ryan Shields, now a freshman at Rice University, since October 6, 2009, according to Snapp's Facebook profile.
Dimor noted the proximity of their anniversary to most schools' Homecoming dances, speculating that Snapp had agreed to go with Shields "just to be nice" and accidentally stumbled into a year-long relationship.
"Look at him," Dimor said while gesturing towards Snapp's Facebook profile picture, which features her and Shields dressed in formal attire, presumably before their senior prom. "She's looking at the camera, not at Rick."
"Well who cares what his name is anyway," he said when reminded that Shields' given name is actually Ryan. "She's not even looking at him."
He clicked a link to Shields' page and found that his profile picture was taken at the same event as Snapp's, though instead of the two of them smiling, it captured the couple making funny faces at the photographer. "What a douchebag," Dimor said.
Dimor could not see the rest of Shields' profile because his Friend Request was still pending, but suggested that Shields was "probably a dumb jock or a hipster or an arsonist or something."
"He was good enough for Nebraska or Indiana or wherever the fuck she's from," he said, "but this is the real world."
"She can do so much better," Dimor said as he clicked through a Facebook photo album of a day Snapp spent at the beach with her friends in July. "It's just a higher class of people here, you know?"
Despite never having had an interaction with her that lasted more than ten minutes, Dimor said that he and Snapp "definitely have a connection." He speculated that these encounters, however brief, were more than enough for her to notice his sharp wit and rugged good looks.
Snapp reportedly mentioned that she was about to Skype with Shields once, but as far as Dimor knows, that is the only communication they have had since Snapp came to Brown. "He's definitely not coming to visit," Dimor said, "or else she would have told me."
"Sooner or later she's going to get lonely and want to hook up after a party or something," Dimor mused. "Am I supposed to tell her no?"
"Things with Ryan are great," Snapp said. "I mean, yeah, it's hard being so far away from him. But I love him, and we think we can make it work."
Shields could not be reached for comment since the girl who repeatedly answered his phone refused to take a message.
