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The Bear Necessities gave only the paltriest of performances last night in Solomon 101 during their benefit concert for starving African children. Critics of the show noted that it was the most pathetic presentation by any Brown a cappella group since the Jabberwocks all caught mono in 1987 (from sharing drinks, of course).
The Necessities opened their concert with a lackluster rendition of the Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way," and it was all downhill from there. The following hour and a half showed less vitality than the starving children for whom the event was held.
"Don't get me wrong, I LOVE a cappella, like LOVE it. I'd marry the thing if I could," said Jared Bruntlett '11. "But come on, they didn't even have anybody beatboxing. How are you supposed to have an edgy concert without somebody using their mouth to make drumming sounds? The show was so not hip hop."
In fact, the performance was so bland that many questioned if the Bear Necessities actually wanted the African children to starve. At first it seemed possible that the group was simply having an off night, but as the evening progressed it became more and more difficult to believe that they weren't actively trying to make the show suck.
"Now I have seen some bad concerts in my day," said senior and bad music enthusiast Kelsey Hicks '08. "I was at the Weird Al Yankovich tour in '98, I saw a Spin Doctors reunion concert in '04, I even stayed for the rest of a Sugar Ray show in '01 after they played 'Every Morning' and 'Fly.' But I had never seen anything quite like this. It was almost like they were mad at the audience for having shown up."
The show has left many members of the Brown a cappella community questioning their identities as musicians. "I just don't know if I can believe in what we do anymore," sighed Stephan Wollenburg '09 of the Brown Derbies. "There was a time when a cappella meant something here. I'm just afraid that those days may be behind us."
A member of the Ursa Minors who preferred to remain nameless even suggested she was considering learning to play the guitar.
If any good news can be gleaned from this tragedy, it is that the void left by so many disbanded a cappella groups has opened up some great opportunities for alternative forms of entertainment in the Brown community. In the past week, Brown students have filled auditoriums to support groups like the Brown Burlesque Society, the Brown Mimes, the Brown Sword Swallowers and even the new campus minstrel group known as Brownface.
With the rise of so many new entertainers, students have speculated that it was perhaps time for a cappella to go the way of the transistor radio here at Brown. Indeed, it seems that the Bear Necessities may have done us all (excluding the starving African children) a great big favor in the end.
