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Our university has long supported the right to learn for people from all walks and rolls of life. Brown has a strong history of fulfilling the essential needs of the disabled through accessibility ramps for dorms and classrooms, Disability Support Services vans and miniature vans, and even a new vestibule in the Sharpe Refectory housing the worlds shortest-shafted elevator used to bypass the ten stair ascent to the dining room.
The University has recently announced plans to extend its services to the wheeled by not only providing further access to everyday necessities like shelter and food, but by providing facilities to make their lives more exciting, and perhaps even radical.
"After a review of our current accommodations for people of rotational mobility, we have realized that we need to be doing more," said Director of Disability Support Services Catherine Axe in a press release Thursday. "While differently-abled students currently have access to everything they need, there is a lot to life beyond necessity. It is now our mission to not just provide cripples with the support they need, but to better their lives. We have devised a multifaceted plan to fulfill our duty."
In phase one, additional ramps are planned to give rolling students access to places that may not be quite necessary, but would otherwise be out of their reach. According to Axe, "traditionally-abled students routinely visit such thrilling vistas as the upper boughs of a good climbing tree, and soon these will be open to all."
A treetop accessibility ramp is planned for each quad on both the Pembroke and Main campuses, giving wheelchair-bound students the opportunity to enjoy the foliage-enrobed vantage previously limited to those able to climb limb for limb. "We hope this measure will let all students feel limb-er!" quipped Axe.
A lift is planned to reach the caged roof of Faunce House, which Axe hopes will "provide a safe space for people of all modes of personal mobility to express their need for infrastructural exploration." But on the way back down, wheeled students will get a chance to really let loose. DSS plans to construct a state-of-the-art giant slalom wheelchair luge culminating in a big-air launch over the Henry Moore bronze into a pool of foam peanuts dug into the Main Green. "After all that these students have been through, this project is really a moral obligation," said Axe.
The Noser was able to catch up with a student rolling by Faunce to hear his thoughts. "Dude, that's the sickest thing I've ever heard," commented wheelchair punk Maison Santana '11. "Its gonna be totally disgusting!"
When informed of DSS's further plans to include a set of kickers, a quarterpipe, and fishbone rails, Santana was further "stoked" for the "extreme carnage right here on our Main Green." When his "bro" Brett heard the news, he kickflipped in excitement and nose-manualed down Waterman screaming "DSS rocks balls!"
